Grace in-yer-Face

It was Friday night, and I had just left the other teachers of the maths department in the pub. As it is always nicer to sleep in one's own bed, I had elected to depart a little early and take the bus home.

Arriving at the bus stop, I noted a pair of lanky youths hunched beneath the shelter. Normally I would give a wide berth to any stray, gangly, hooded night creatures, but I needed to scan the timetables and so stepped inside. Coming closer, I felt their gaze upon me. I risked a glance in the corner of my eye: they were students from my school.

I felt a little relief - my own students were unlikely to start on me - but as the bus would not be there for some time, I would have to make conversation.

"Evening lads. Having a good night?"

The boys bore a scabrous, pointy-eared grin. These are 14 year olds who lurk at the back of the classroom. In lessons, they will banter and squabble, hide each other's property and snigger oafishly. They will chew gum, fiddle with mobiles, doodle all over their books, and make paper planes. They will interrupt and argue and show outrage if accused of any wrongdoing. They will do pretty much anything, in fact, except follow my instructions.

"Orroight, Sir?"

They were polite - well... friendly, at least. Polite is relative. I recognised the look of blank amazement common to students who encounter a teacher outside of school, like a sheepdog meeting a camel. There is obviously a relationship between the student and teacher, but, out of context, neither party knows what the rules are going to be.

We opened by establishing that, yes, I had been to the pub and, yes, I had been drinking, three pints as it happens and, yes, it was with the maths department but, no, Mr Featherweight isn't gay, at least I don't think so but, okay, he is a bit camp but that doesn't mean he's gay and, no, I don't know where he lives and I wouldn't tell you if I did.

Then I asked them what they had been doing. I did not expect the answer: ice-skating.

"Seriously?" I asked. They were serious. They proudly got out their ice-skates to show me. "These cost three hundred quid!" one boasted. "You're kidding!?" I replied. They weren't kidding. "And you kids claim you can't afford calculators," I sighed.

Ice-skating! These boys, whose behaviour in class is chaotic and lumpen, enjoy a pastime which is all about control and grace.

The main difference between a grade B student and a grade D student is not intellectual capacity but attitude to learning. In maths, many a grade D student is perfectly capable of grasping the concepts and learning the techniques to get grade B, but for some reason they reject the possibility. Perhaps they are afraid of failure; perhaps the mental conflict inherent in deposing old notions and installing new ones makes them anxious; perhaps their low self esteem means they do not believe they can succeed, so trying to learn would not be worth the effort.

Many support their decision not to learn with the claim that mathematics is irrelevant to their lives. They are probably right, but in reality most of what we learn in school is irrelevant. This does not mean learning is unimportant. It is not the forgettable stuff we learn which matters; it is the process of learning itself which brings us greater mental prowess and expanded horizons.

Mathematics is an important subject to study because it connects together different facets of thought and encourages abstract reasoning in a way which is not encountered in any other discipline. One may forget how to do long division or work out the angles in a triangle, but the thinking involved exercises bits of our brains which we will use throughout our lives.

It is therefore sad that these boys, who love the control and grace of skating, may never perceive the control and grace of mathematics.

It is also sad that, of these whole people, I only get to see that part which is defensive and aggressive, bored and boring, rejected and rejecting. I never see the part which is generous, luminous and full of grace.

Beta Males

Why do the girls always love the bad boys?

It is a phenomenon I remember from my school days with much pain, and recognise all too frequently in the classroom. "I'm going out with Andy! Ooh I love him! Sir, is he the naughtiest in your class?" The boys who get all the ladies' attention are the ones they perhaps should reject as emotionally retarded.

It is well known that girls will always go for the alpha males. The interesting question is why do girls identify bad boys as the alphas? In the long run, it is the quiet, shy, intellectual creatures - the dorks - who band together to get on calmly with their school work, who have the highest chance of achieving financial or political power, and who will make the more sensitive partners and more stable parents. Yet girls and young women largely love the rogues.

I have a couple of theories about this. Both are actually fairly obvious, but it is interesting to note how our modern society turns the tables on the bad boys, and makes the dorks into a more intelligent choice of partner.

The first theory relates to the ancient instinctual mechanisms by which girls select a mate. In a more primitive society, as one might witness in a group of apes, the alpha males are essentially the ones who can bully the others into submission. These individuals will be physically strong and selfish by nature. In order to fight to the top, they will be unafraid to challenge the incumbent leaders. These characteristics are all displayed by bad boys, with their machismo, play fighting, rebellious spirit, and disinterest in who they upset in getting their way. In a primitive society, the bad boys would indeed be the successful males, with the most power to support and protect their partners and progeny.

The second theory is about the ability to build relationships. Dorks obviously have a lot of trouble with this, where bad boys move in with an easy charm. This most likely stems from the respective levels of self-consciousness versus self-confidence. A thoughtful person will naturally gravitate towards introspection. In constantly questioning the self, one undermines one's ability to function confidently; there are too many 'what if's to ponder, leading to stiltedness or inaction. Introspective behaviour is never attractive. A bad boy has no such worries. They can roll into a relationship in a simple, honest and open manner.

These two ancient aspects of attraction are overturned by the workings of the modern world. To function in a large and complex, information driven society, one requires the ability to compromise with others, to defer short-term gains for longer-term growth, to conceptualise and theorise and plan. All of these are skills of the dork, but are way beyond the scope of the bad boy's simplistic behaviour. Furthermore, the easy charm which helps a bad boy to open a relationship, makes it harder for them to carry it on. Their apparent confidence stems not from genuine self-belief but from an inability to understand and control their own behaviour, which can eventually cause problems in a relationship.

The smart girls wait until the dorks grow up a bit, and then bag the best ones for keeps.